Sunday, January 13, 2008

The Gravy Train (Mom and Dad, you may want to skip this one)

It's often discussed that a woman's libido changes while she's pregnant. Particularly in the second trimester (for me anyway). I won't go into detail about J and my intimate life, but suffice it to say it's very healthy.

Last night, J got off work and was home as I was just getting into bed. This doesn't happen very often, and I decided to carpe diem. I suggested that he brush his teeth and then wiggled my eyebrows...married couple code for "wanna do it?" He smiled back and said the magic words, "I kinda wanted to check out the score of the Patriots game." Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....what the what?

Okay, so I lay in bed reading more of my WWII novel Suite Francaise, and getting more and more angry. Particularly after I heard him microwave food and crunch on tortilla chips while watching football. Wow! That makes a girl feel really special.

It gets better...after about ten minutes in the living room, he saunters back in and hops on the bed...."So, you're feeling frisky?" Uh, no, no I am not. This is an express train, buddy...if you don't get on immediately, you'll have to wait until the next one comes in about ohhhhh however long my you-rejected-me-and-now-we'll-both-pay grudge lasts.

He was genuinely surprised that I did not pause my enthusiasm for him to eat some spinach-artichoke dip and catch the end of the game. Seriously, how jazzed would he be if I told him I just needed to catch the end of What Not to Wear? I'm thinking not very. Furthermore, it's not as if we're in college and just met...last I checked a perfunctory eight minutes does the trick most of the time.

Nothing makes a pregnant girl feel sexier than having her offer for sex rejected. He strenuously objected that he had said no, only that he needed to check out the game. He felt really bad, as my feelings were obviously hurt, but seriously buddy, you snooze, you lose.

Good thing he's a Patriots fan, because they'll be the only sure thing for him for awhile.


Alex Elliot said...

My husband was completely obsessed with the game last night too.

Haidee said...

My husband doesn't even watch football 95% of the time, and I still remember when we were living together we were on our way to a superbowl party. anyway, we went back home because we'd forgotten something and I suggested quickie and was turned down because we'd be late. Late for a long, boring party with people I didn't like much... or sex. I'm still kind of annoyed about that. And it's been about 7 years.