Monday, January 5, 2009

Crouched in the Fecal Position

Today, J installed the BumGenius diaper sprayer that I ordered from amazon, and was declared 'defective' by J before we left on our trip. After talking to "Support Guy" at The Mini Shower, I was pretty certain that it was more operator error than defective product. Sure enough, it now works like a dream. Well, I guess it's all in perspective because I'm not sure at what point in my life I let the purchase and successful implementation of a diaper sprayer be a highlight, but alas...

I went grocery shopping after being gone for 2+ weeks, and filled our cupboards and fridge to the gills with foods that would help support our resolution to be a healthier family. I was a little shocked that after following my meal plan shopping list, along with some lunch and breakfast staples, that I had not let my weak self take over and buy the ice cream that was on sale. That's right, I got home with the only "dessert" in my bags being three boxes of fat free instant pudding. On that trip, I got some of H's favorites; clementines ("baby oranges"), grapes, bananas and "cheese from the bag" (shredded cheese). Apparently we need to offer a little more cheese from the bag and white meat chicken nuggets because the by-product of our ships in the night parenting style today was that H had a Fiber One granola bar and two clementines for breakfast with J. Then when I awoke from my post nursing-all-night stupor and tagged J out to have a nap before work, I let H have two more clementines when H George (because he is anyone but himself these days) assured me in monkey-speak that he'd not had any yet today.


Two Numero Dos accidents in the underwear later, and I was pretty sure that he'd told a little white lie about the oranges.


For our big meal of the day, I served a vegetarian lasagna with applesauce and green salad...yes, our first Meatless Monday. All H ate was the applesauce and some grapes. He was mid-sentence talking to J and got a little teary...it's so nice when the kids appreciate your culinary efforts. But, wait..."Are you pooping?!" I yelled with surprise...yep. No shame, just let it rip at the table. Awesome. J got to take that one for the team, as I ate my cup of chocolate pudding. However, after H knocked over the glass of milk he was drinking beside the table, after being told about 4,000 times to sit down, he was relegated to his room.


All too quiet in there, I went to check on him, and noted the bow-legged saunter of a bull-rider, and knew he'd poo'ed again. Awesome. He looked at me and said "My pee makes polka dots! Isn't that silly?!" Yes, that's exactly what I'd call it. It's so silly, when you spatter your carpet with pee.


H is now in the tub, and will be wearing a diaper for the remainder of the day. He'll not be eating anymore fruit today as we finally put two and two (well, actually it was 4 number twos) together after examining what he'd actually eaten all day.


I would recommend the sprayer to any cloth-diapering or potty-training parent. Now maybe I need to invest in a stool to sit on while crouched over the toilet bowl spraying out all of H's underwear and C's diapers, it's a bitch on the ole back. I can say, however, that it sure beats the dunk and swish. Ahhh...remember the days when crouching over the toilet bowl was the direct result of having too much fun?


Thank god for hot water, anti-bacterial soap and hand sanitizer.

7 comments:

Portlandia said...

Welcome home! We had a poo-in-the-pants incident the other day that the little dude denied, saying he was "Walter, the farting dog, and I just fart a lot."

Mrs. V said...

I was bursting up laughing multiple times on this one!

Amy, Bryan and Zoey said...

Oh holy crap. (Literally.) This post had me in HYSTERICS!

LORI said...

OH, THIS IS TOO FUNNY! THOSE WERE THE DAYS!

Sherri said...

You should warn your faithful blog audience that they should not eat cheerios and read your hilarious posts at the same time!
Love it!

Portlandia said...

The red fingernails in that picture creep me out!

Sally HP said...

Yes, being that I don't even paint my nails anymore with all the handwashing, I certainly wouldn't have chip-free ones...