Saturday, March 22, 2008

To Everything Turn! Turn! Turn!

Today J and I celebrate our fifth anniversary. So much has changed over that span of time, yet we have had one huge constant; each other.

This morning, after dropping my friend L to stay with her friend for the last night of her East Coast vacation, I was staring out the window as the Mass Pike carried J, H and I home. My mind was wandering as it will at such times, and I somehow landed on the insistence by some who feel the 'negative' side of marriage is that you can only sleep with that one person for the rest of your life.

Something about that has always bothered me, because it makes it seem as if having that one partner will be unfulfilling. Having a healthy physical relationship with your spouse is a huge part of marriage, and I know that if you're compatible in the bedroom, and stimulating to one another in life's other arenas, you can be happy for a lifetime. Talk of the seven year itch and other feelings of restlessness contribute to the sense that monogamy equals monotony.

I looked over at J as he was driving home and then glanced in the backseat to see H fast asleep, mind again wandering.

Just after we'd had H, we were asked by someone close to us if our sex life had changed. J and I looked at each other and tried to contain our laughter because, quite frankly, sex was the last thing on our minds. At that point, if I had to choose sleep over sex, I chose sleep. Mind you, this was when H was barely two months old, and I felt like a glorified dairy cow with narcolepsy.

Our friend, who was newly engaged, responded that that was something that made him nervous about having kids. This was the opposite of the impression that I wanted to give, but I think it's also a reality of the ebb and flow of any physical relationship. I'm thinking it's not fast and furious all the time for most people unless you have some kind of disorder. Several months later, I was happy to report to our friend that everything was back on track in Lovah-ville. Although, at that point I think he'd forgotten about his earlier curiosity and politely tried not to shudder.

Back to the Pike; I let my inner thoughts bubble over to the good old outside voice and murmured, 'I think that when people get married, instead of looking at it like they can only have sex with that one person for the rest of their lives, they should approach it as they are the only person who gets to have sex with their spouse. It should be viewed as a privilege, not a hindrance." J, who was not privy to the prior fifteen minutes of rumination in my mind, nodded his assent and then half-smiled asking 'what made you think of that?'

Here's to another 70 years of you and me keeping life interesting, J.

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