Door #1 or Door #2

"Only Mommy and Daddy can take off your diaper!" I repeated this mantra to H, who had taken his diaper off for the 6th time in one day. Three times, he had a #2 inside, and twice he peed on the carpet or his little table as he was "driving" his car.

It was an out of body experience, as I realized that I was being fairly calm...until the fourth time, when I just started crying. Pregnancy hormones are a bitch when you mix them with a little sleeplessness and a dash of frustration. H looked at me and said "Mommy?" I tried to explain the I was just frustrated, but that he wasn't in trouble.

Even though this is the last thing I want, I also don't want him to have a complex about bathroom issues. While some people will suggest to me that this means he's ready to potty train, I contend that a child doesn't pee all over themselves, oblivious to the sensation, if they're ready to potty train. It did not even phase him that there was pee running down his legs as he was sitting on his chair (which he'd placed on the top of his table) pretending to drive his car. Great, potential disease from exposure to pea and the possibility of injury from being unsafe!

That part of the daily drama occurred while I was taking a shower. He had already had one incident of diaperless-ness, so this was a speed shower; only the necessities. No leg shaving or exfoliating, just a quick clean-up. I went to check on him before even putting in contacts, to find him naked and then I blindly picked him up to realize he was covered in pee...mmmm...nothing like a little golden shower to make you feel fresh as a daisy!

I promptly put him in the tub, washed my hands and proceeded to clean up mess #2. The day proceeded in the same fashion, culminating in him putting his diaper on his head (empty, thank God) ninja-style, with his eyes peering out of one leg hole and the side strap across his nose. He was very proud to tell J that it was his hat. I couldn't even contain myself anymore, I just started laughing like a crazy person.

I was talking to my mom on the phone about it, and she just reminded me that bright kids are a challenge to raise. I replied through tears, "Well, here's to hoping that #2 is dumb as a post." (Of course I don't really think that, but it sure sounded good at the time).

That day ended. Today and yesterday, I dressed him in a snap-crotch onesie with overalls, then a sweatshirt over the top. Very non-invasive, but no repeat incidents. Looks like I'll be making a trip to craigslist or ebay to search for more bibs!

Sometimes I reflect on my day, and think; Seriously? This is what my life is reduced to? Inventing ways to keep my child from taking off his diaper and inadvertantly getting poop on the carpet? Awesome!

Because I'm such a genius, I've decided I'm up to the task of doing it all again! (So is that Shame on Me?) On a positive note, the good days far outweigh the bad, and we have a lot of fun together. Sometimes to make it through and not get mad at him, I tell myself, this will be great fodder for future girlfriends!