Would You Like Fries With That?

When I was little, the nearest McDonald's was in the next town over about 15 miles away. We didn't go very often, but when we did it was the best treat to sit on the hamburger bun shaped seats and eat our cheeseburgers out of the cardboard happy meal box next to the talking tree...am I the only one that remembers these fixtures? The birthday party I got to have at the Golden Arches was awesome, complete with the shrieking of my friend's little brother every time the big Ronald McDonald statue that doubled as a helium tank got a little over-enthused with the filling of the balloons.

Well, it would be an understatement to say that it's not quite so magical for me anymore, but I do take H to play in the play space and so that I can spend almost $5 for a cheeseburger he abandons and fries that cool too quickly a cheap plastic toy that he'll either lose the next day, or still have clutched in his paw a year later.

For the most part, we get prompt, friendly service (if you don't count the time I found hairsssss (yes, plural) in my burger...Salad, anyone?!) but today I knew it was going to be a long visit when I approached the counter smiling and was fixed with the McBlank Stare by Joe Cashier.

Me: Hi! Can I get a chicken nugget happy meal, chocolate milk and a boy toy? Also a Fruit and Yogurt Parfait.

Joe C.: Ummmmmmm. Okay. So that was a happy meal with a burger?

Me: Chicken Nuggets

Joe C.: Okay, and then you wanted chocolate milk and a sundae?

Me: Fruit and Yogurt Parfait. For the baby. (hefting C's bulk up on my hip) And can I get a #4 with cheese, no mayo? (Because a Big and Tasty sin queso is just not very tasty.)

After getting H and C settled in the play space at the table with my friend Alex, I went back to the counter to pick up our tray of food, fill my drink and get ketchup. I've done all this before with the kids by my side, and I've noticed that they took my several failed attempts as a hint because there are now plastic tubs for condiments that are actually big enough to place on the counter and squirt into...because I'm sure it was really fun to clean a gallon of bbq sauce off the counter everyday.

Oh, and I had to get the dressing and fork pack for Alex's salad because McBlank Stare forgot it. Yes, I'm being mean, but only because this was just the beginning and I'm writing in hindsight. At the time, I was smiling and gracious.

Kids settled, I opened my cardboard box only to find a certain orange square of cheese-product was missing so it was back to the counter I went. I was handed my cheese in yet another cardboard box...seriously, placing it on a nap would have been hygienic enough for me.

After our meals were finished we realized we had about an hour for the kids to play, so ice cream suddenly made it into our plans. As I approached the counter to order two Oreo McFlurry's (why do I have to spend so much time at the gym?!) I eagerly watched as I am the dork who loves the show How It's Made and really any documentary that shows an assembly process. McLazy filled the cup about half-way when McHardWorker swooped in shaking her head and saying 'Uh, no.' She took the cup, filled it with soft-serve, placed the lid on, pumped in crumbled oreos and stuck a spoon in it.

I was a little confused...I thought these were blended. Oh, just you wait my friends. The McFlurry Machine was AWESOME! The little hose hooks right onto the spoon, answering my age-old question of "Why is this spoon so weird, and why are there holes in it?" A flip of the switch and a steady hand delivers a perfectly whipped dairy (or non-dairy?) confection. Yum!