Honk If You're...

Rude and/or Lazy. For the last couple of nights, at about 10pm, what sounds to my trained ears to be a 1970's model Ford or Chevy pick-up truck horn can be heard honking across the parking lot of my complex like a sick goose. Last night, it came as I was trying to watch the opening of the much-anticipated 'Robin Williams' episode of Law and Order: SVU. I turned to J in annoyance and informed him that had been happening every night. It occurred to me then, and I noted it aloud, that it may be someone's ride picking them up for their graveyard (or what New Englander's call "Third Shift") shift job, as it was always about the same time.

J just looked at me and smiled saying 'Ahhh. The white trash cell phone.' I had never thought of it that way, but it really is the perfect way to describe it. I remember my mom roaring into our driveway in her trusty Taurus and blasting her horn to let my dad know that she was home and needed help bringing in the groceries. He would sit up straight in his La-Z-Boy and, after putting on his shoes, would head to the back door greeting my mom laden with groceries. EVERY SINGLE time he would exasperatedly remind my mom in his Über-serious tone "Nancy, a horn is a safety warning device."

Feeling empowered with that knowledge, I was cautious to use my horn only in the appropriate situations for at least the first two months of having my license. But, how else are you supposed to say hi to your friends as you pass them at 30 mph cruising on Main if you can't use your horn? Duh, Daddy.

During college, I worked in a law office for about nine months. Overlapping that period of time, I had my first 'real' boyfriend, who I thought was grand but later realized was a complete dweeb and not really the man who was destined to be my husband/father of my children as originally thought. Unfortunately, my family was too nice to tell me what a complete 'tard (yep, I just used that word) he was.

A couple of times, he picked me up from work so we could go on a date. Instead of doing what most people would (come up to the door and get me), he would gallantly sit on the street and honk up at the second story office building to let me know that my prince had arrived. My boss then dubbed him, "The Honker" explaining to me, that it was not polite to notify your beloved of your arrival by laying on the horn. Of course, I defended him...what's a 19 year-old girl to do, after all?

After some time, it became crystal clear that he was a total waste of time, and I soon found Big J, who became my fiancee and, obviously, the real man who would be my husband and father to my children.

I had not worked at that office in several years, and was actually working as a caseworker for Child Welfare when I had to 'go up against' that attorney in court. He saw my engagement ring, and asked with a pleading look on his face "It's not The Honker is it?" I was so relieved to be able to say, of course not!