As I enter my thirties, I realized I've spent the entire last decade with my husband. I've been thinking a lot about that 20 year-old girl I was when I met him. I was fresh out of my first real relationship, one that's frankly embarassing to look back on in all of it's feverish first-love intensity; completely undeserving of my devotion was he, as he was a total knob. Mad Dog and Manischewitz were the closest I'd come to appreciating wine and that boy's brew of choice was Keystone Ice. Yep, it was a quality time fo' sho'. The time in your life when you think the definition of Twue Wuv is to love what your partner loves, period.
Then I spotted that cute boy (J) at the club fair before school started and felt the warming in the belly that comes when you look at someone and think 'I want to know him!' As luck would have it, he was in my 8am class so, for once, I didn't hit the snooze and I wasn't afraid to let my smart and sassy side out because he was quiet, but wickedly smaht. The yin to my yang. Even better, he lived in the dorm below me, so there was ample opportunity to accidentally-on-purpose walk to classes together and chat him up without being super obvious. Well, there would have been, if one of my defining characteristics was not to be super obvious.
Looking back, I can't pinpoint the specific time in our (J's and I) relationship when I sat back and sighed and let the real me, faults and all, shine through but it happened and he still loved me. Oh, is that love? I was fiercely opinionated and independent, outgoing and loved to be the center of attention. And he let me be.
College came to a close, I graduated and waited for his old butt to finish as he'd taken time from school to be an Airborne Ranger in the Army; a fact that failed to impress me on our first 'date' when he showed me the article in a magazine during a Halloween party in his dorm about his unit, as I was sure he was pulling my leg.
I started my career as a Child Welfare social worker and during his senior year we got married, then came medical school, the birth of H, residency, the birth of C and here we are.
I'm sitting and drinking a chilled glass of Bridlewood Viognier, listening to my babes sleep and getting ready to knit some more socks. Did that 20 year-old girl think she'd be an at-home mom? Not in a million years. Could she imagine a time when she'd worship at the gates of heavy red wines? Could I have foreseen that I'd be completely content in a relationship with a man that is my partner and makes me happy, but upon whom I do not rely for my happiness? I think it's what I always hoped, but I wouldn't have been able to define it.
We will be a success of residency, unlike many that end in divorce, because more than loving each other, we are content to be our own people. We appreciate what the other person is and we make the most of what we have right now.
Oh yeah, and we make sure to have sex a lot.
Hoping that humor and sarcasm can get me through this thing they call motherhood.
8 comments:
I so appreciate this post. Big J and I started dating when we were 19 and as we approached the end of our 30s we realized that we'd been together for half our lives. It's amazing how two people can grow and change so much -- being together through that growth takes a lot of work and commitment. Cheers to you and J!
Brian and I met at 21 at a seedy club in Providence, RI. He was stationed at a submarine base with the Navy and I was in the middle of my junior year of college. Engaged after the first year, married the next. We got through the rest of his naval career, which were some tough years. When I look back on our 11-year relationship, it makes me warm and fuzzy but also makes my head spin!!
I liked what you wrote about making each other happy but still being your own person. Well said!!!
Lovely post, S!
Isn't it funny how life delivers surprises? I am always so thankful that my life didn't go "as I planned it" but instead, ended up the way God planned it for me - for it's the surprises in life that make LIFE worth living.
I am SO glad you two are together. I think you both compliment each other really well. I'll never forget the video you made for J's 25th birthday party and I remember thinking "wow, J. SO doesn't deserve this girl!" Love you guys. And hope there are MANY, MANY happy years ahead. Now get your butts back to the West Coast!
...and to think your first love was with a guy who couldn't get into Vet School! Sorry, the other comments were so muuuushy.
I love you and J. Always have. Always will. And, as Nancy says, "I love him because he loves you."
Oh, so it's sex that keeps it going. I gotta try that one. Ha. Just kidding. (Sort of?)
Anyway, great post. I was just thinking earlier today about how when I was a teenager daydreaming about my married life, I never dreamed I'd be a stay-at-home mom married to a resident. (For some reason I pictured myself in a business suit coming home to cook dinner for my 2 kids and husband. Ha!) But here we are and it's much better (and tougher) than I ever imagined!
Such a great post and so true!
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