Three of a Kind; Workin' on a Full House*

The other night while J and I were polishing off a tres expensive Trader Joe's bottle of pinot noir, I asked him when he thought we should have our next baby. Because under the influence of alcohol is the best time to discuss family planning, right?

I know that we won't have another Massachusetts baby, but how long after we move? I am a planner. So, J agrees that it should be just after we move, it would be wisest to get pregnant just as he's deployable, right? You can see why this discussion during intoxication is so wise.

J says that he'd like to be done having kids when he's 37, and I said that I'll be happy to be done by 35.

Wait.

I may have gotten a BA in order to avoid taking any math classes in college, but I think that even Math 087 would find this story problem elementary:

Girl A is 29. Boy B is 33. If Girl A wishes to procreate until the age of 35 but Boy B would like to be done at 37, how many children can they have and still maintain over two years of space in between? Note: They currently have an infant, leaving 2 years before the next child may safely arrive.

That's right, only one...but I want two more. J's reason for only one more? "Because it's good to have a tie-breaker." Uh, last I checked parenting was not a democracy, so unless the third you're bringing in is another wife, it won't matter. But, I kept that to myself.

I felt a little twinge in my womb. She has a lot of good years left in her. Only One More?! she cried out. But I just sat there sipping my wine. I've found that the uterus usually wins ovum the sperm. Sorry, Freudian slip, I mean over the sperm. I'd be willing to bet my left ovary we'll have those four kids.

*Thank you rural upbringing for giving me Garth Brooks songs, the lyrics from which I could later gather clever titles.

**Upon reading this out loud to my husband, who almost never gives more than a chuckle, he said "Why don't you just have 8, Octomom?" Hillarious.